Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
