So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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