If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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