I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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