why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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