the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
