Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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