I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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