There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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