Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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