Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
