You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
