I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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