I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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