Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
