Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
