I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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