I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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