I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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