Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
not ubering you a puppy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
