How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
