my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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