So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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