worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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