I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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