I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize