if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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