I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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