I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
