if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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