The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
