College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
