would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
