He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
