Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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