I just threw up on my dentist
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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