I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
