Are we in a gay sports bar?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
