if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
