now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
