Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
