I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
