I hate all girls vehemently.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
