where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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