Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
