yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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