if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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