The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
