They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
