That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
