fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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