Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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