He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
