Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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