y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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