i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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