you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Redeem this text for a blowjob
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
