apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
