the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
