i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
