Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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