My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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