When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
