We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
