cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my poor anus
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
