Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
