just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
