Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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