Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
