Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Randomize
