Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
