How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize